whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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