I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
