There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
