Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
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