the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
