You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
