Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
