I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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