Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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