i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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