you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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