My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
