is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I have fence marks all over my body
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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