Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
