After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
