Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
