i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
