When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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