We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
