Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
