My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
