if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Dicks are not precious.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
