I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
