Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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