Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
