remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
