They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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