His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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