I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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