so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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