all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
