I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
