therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
