I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
