I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
