Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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