if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
