Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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