It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
