Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Non-Jews are for practice
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
