we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
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