Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
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