omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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