Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
