I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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