there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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