sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
