i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
