i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
you had me at cake vodka
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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