Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
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