Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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