dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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