Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
