So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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