somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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