quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
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