Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
