I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize