Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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