My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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