i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
