I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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