The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
