I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize