Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
