somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
