i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
