What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
