Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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