Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
