I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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