I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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