I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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