are you so shy because you have an std?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Come share oat with me in your robe
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
