I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
