I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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