Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
