oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
