He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
