I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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