I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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