so that wasnt chicken after all
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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