There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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