I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
