Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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