I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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